Shocking US Government Budget Sequester Recipe

As our Commander-in-Chief continues his 2012 Presidential Campaign around the country in 2013, we intercede into your Internet news and information to bring you this stunning and shocking budget sequester recipe.  Now, for the first time and in only a few simple steps you can create your own sequester quagmire.  Behold, all ye ends of the earth!  I give you the recipe to - the Sequester Nut Roll.


1.  Combine with your hands the President of the United States, the State Department and the Federal Reserve.  It shouldn't take long.  The dough will quickly become stiff, useless as dross and immovable.

2.  Divide the concoction into your desired size and then roll them into shapes of cylinders.

3.  Wrap each wicked abomination with plastic wraps of pride and place in the freezing outcasts of Purgatory.  Keep them there for roughly 2 hours or until your desired level of entertainment has diminished.

4.  Melt the Tax Code in the microwave for 3 minutes or until your primal appetites have been succored.  Out of charity rotate the brew every 30 seconds or so.  However, in my opinion just let'em roast!
Tax Man Charging You To Give coffee mug (Google Affiliate Ad)
5.  Place Congressional Democrat and useless Republican (not all because some are trying to get us in a positive direction) peanuts on a rolled out cadaver gurney.

6.  Out of pity retrieve the abominations out of the Arctic wastelands.  Drowned and completely cover them in the melted Tax Code.  Here, it is important for you not to use your fingers or even look at what you're doing.  It's a technique from Washington that legitimizes "plausible denial" and accountability.

7.  Cover completely with Democrat and useless Republican (not all because some are trying to get us in a positive direction) peanuts the Tax Code covered abominations.

8.  Transfer Democrat and Republican peanut covered abominations onto another prepared bobsled.  Launch the bobsled into the abyss of Perdition.  Normally, you stick them in the refrigerator but since they survived the cold once already we'll try the other extreme.

9.  Your nut rolls should be good for a month or so.  If after a month you find that they are still good then get a stick and push the bobsled further into the fire.

10.  Simply because of symmetry, the Ebola virus, the Second Amendment, Michelle Obama's wardrobe and because we can't leave it at only 9 simple steps we give you the final noble and upstanding action.  If the stew of human suffering that you've creatively casseroled tastes good then take the credit.  If the human suffering becomes not of good taste to those suffering - then blame the next guy (or the guy before) for a faulty recipe.
Second Amendment (Flag) coffee mug (Google Affiliate Ad)
We hope that your recipe turns out well and becomes all that you've ever dreamed it would be.  Remember to hold nothing back.  Budget your entire time, talents, resources and nasal waste into your designs - reserving nothing back.  In fact, budget 100 times more than you have or will have.  It's all for the common good of a tasty nut roll.

Chow!